Ivory Tower Inadequacy

It amazes me how one hallway can be so intimidating while at the same time be so welcoming and inspiring. It makes no difference what time of day, what my mission is or how long I'm there, a visit to the History department is always a thought provoking trip. I get this overwhelming feeling that I'm surrounded by so many intelligent people and that I'm so entirely inadequate to be in the same league with any of them. That's not to imply that I am in the same league - I'm not. I realize they are professors, and I'm a meager student. It just seems like that even after years of studying, I'll never reach their level of expertise. That certainly won't discourage me from trying though. Any visit to the department just leaves me more motivated to try harder. I always say to myself when leaving, "I'm just going to have to work harder. And read more!"

Dr. Smoak was the only person I passed in the hall today. Of all the people I had to pass, it would be him. I'm in awe of this guy. I've only had one class with him and was convinced that if that's what it takes to be a professor, I could never hack it. He's the type of guy that if you were to see him on the street, you'd know he was smart. He looks the part. He's not very gregarious though, which is very odd for a history professor. I think that adds to his mystique. Anywho, I had a horrifying thought while walking back to my motorcycle....What if I'm appointed as his GTA in the fall? It was the most overwhelming "Holy Chickens" moment ever, causing me to stop briefly in panic. "I'm just going to have to work harder. And read more! ... I'm just going to have to work harder. And read more!" That may become my new mantra in life. I'll have it printed on t-shirts. Maybe I can sell them to other inadequate graduate students.